Sponge bath it is.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize