cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
