Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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