Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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