All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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