She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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