Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
