i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize