Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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