drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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