I'm really into asian looking animals
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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