Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
