Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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