nut hugger
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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