Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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