I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
