dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
