I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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