You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
