when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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