my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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