I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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