all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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