put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
