I'm eating all of the evidence.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
