If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
