he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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