Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
