Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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