So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
