oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize