first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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