I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk is not a location!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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