I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
