Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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