So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
