I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
