I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
