I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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