remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize