im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
