So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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