My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
