you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
