Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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