the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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