I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.