I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You Wouldnâ€™t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.