I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents