I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho