Your dad touched me again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
