you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize