Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!