Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf