I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
