he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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