What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
