Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i barfeds in our rink
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
