I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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