U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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