bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Shame is for Republicans.
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