I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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