that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
