so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
