My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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