I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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