Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
