you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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