I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
