He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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