Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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