I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
