matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize