my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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