Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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