last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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