just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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