when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
