I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
